It's all about the cake hole

    I am an eater. I was raised in a restaurant family therefore I was totally into grease. Lard was my friend. I remember eating a paper  cup full of graham cracker meal from a barrel when I was about six. I licked  doughnut icing off  whatever surface it fell on when my dad was making the best doughnuts ever. I had the fortune of being raised alongside a soft serve ice cream machine. This environment must have had an effect on my mother because I recall seeing cans of "Sego" and "Metracal" in the fridge when I was looking for a stick of butter to spread on my bread which I then topped with sugar.
  Now, believe it or not, I was never a huge person, in spite of my exposure to trans fats before they were discovered. I was overweight as a child but not crippling  huge. I really slimmed down in my teenage years and college just by being entirely too busy to eat, and when I did eat, it was most unhealthy. Breakfast for me, in my senior year in high school consisted of a carton of Borden's Dutch Chocolate Milk, a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, and a Honey Bun. Oh God, I'm so hungry.
   After high school and college came marriage and children and numerous "diets", or "nutrition mishaps" as I prefer to call them now. The Grapefruit Diet was interesting. It involved eating grapefruit four times a day; three of those in the place of a meal, the fourth as a snack. I made it a full day on that one. I tried the hard boiled egg and banana diet; a hard boiled egg for three meals and a banana for a snack. Really? I lasted a day on that one also.  I tried an assortment of meal substitutes including fiber cookies. Several nurses eating fiber cookies on one shift can clog even the best of industrial toilets. I lasted a week or so on that one, but lost zero pounds. The cookies were good though. I tried a diet pill one time. I ate a lot faster that day, and even stayed up all night eating.
  Eventually I lost the baby weight from child number 1. On her first birthday,  I stepped on the scale and discovered I was finally at my pre-pregnancy weight. I immediately hopped off the scale and threw up my breakfast. Another bun was in the oven. Right away, within five minutes, I began eating for two again. It was such a relief!