And Then Some

I have been tested this week by personal struggles accompanied by emotional stress I myself can't believe. And I have managed to continue on this road to Bikinidom. I am saddened by so much of what is going on around me, and feeling at such a loss but I did not stuff myself to ease the pain. I continued to remind myself that life's struggles are not better managed on a bloated  stomach and with cankles.
It's not that the bikini is more important than the upheaval taking place in our lives this week`; its just that I have actually developed good habits. Pushing back from the table, only eating when I am truly hungry, and taking half when before I took a whole and then some, are becoming habits. I define a habit as something I have to remind myself  not to do. I'm finding the old habits are just memories now. I can't imagine automatically cleaning my plate. I can't imagine eating an entire 12 ounce steak, a loaded baked potato and a salad with gobs of Thousand Island. Seriously? I did that? Just six months ago I would have nothing of it. In fact, I would have thought I had to eat it all, and then some.
Instead, I think by September,I will buy myself a bikini, or three. And then some.

Out to Lunch, Out to Dinner

I am feeling very successful today! I had lunch in a restaurant alongside my co-workers who were having less healthy fare, and I didn't feel the least bit deprived! It felt so good to eat out and know that I succeeded in not feeling obligated to eat a double cheeseburger and fries. When I arrived home, my husband and I decided to eat out again, and I was triumphant again! I ordered my meal and asked for a to-go container right away. I parceled out half the meal for tomorrow, enjoyed half tonight, and it actually felt good!
Where did I get the idea that a satisfying meal meant gorging until my already huge pants were tight around the waist? What is satisfying about that? Why do we over- eaters eat as though every meal is a celebration? A feast? Our Last Supper? I am the Queen of "Let's Celebrate Every Little Thing With  A Huge Spread"! One appetizer? No Way! Let's have three! It's okay because I am starting my diet tomorrow. Oh, another reason to celebrate! Yaaay! Throw some chili and cheese on those fries . I'm going to be a size 6 in no time, once I get on my diet!
I realized today I truly, really and truly, am done with that mindset. I won't have "slip-ups" or "little set backs" ever again because they are no longer that; they are choices, and it's okay to make them. I have always told my kids "Life is full of choices".  Once again, I didn't listen to my own advice.
If I make sure that every food I choose is something I really want, then there is no need for guilt, or the promise of starting my diet tomorrow.
This feels great!

 

I'm Not Trying

It's very important for me to watch other people while on this journey. By watching people, I mean observe the behavior of people who are struggling as I am, and those who have accomplished what I am going to accomplish. I watch them on TV, in magazines, in public. I watch the Biggest Loser, Too Fat for Fifteen, Dance Your Ass off, Heavy, and all the others where fat people get smaller. I read fitness magazines (love them!) and I think it's especially important to read those magazines right before I eat, or (I know I'm not supposed to be distracted during meals!) while I eat. It truly curbs my appetite and makes me think about my goal to look at the healthy women in Fitness, Shape, Women's Health. The models  are much younger than me but the Success Stories are often about women my age. I am inspired, and often in awe of their drive, their perseverance. I soak in it. When I read the story of a woman who has met with much more adverse challenges than I have to meet, I feel driven to accomplish.
"I'll try" is the first step toward failure. Failure is not in my picture , therefore, I won't try.
I will.
I finally made it to 187. Just one more pound to go.