And Then Some

I have been tested this week by personal struggles accompanied by emotional stress I myself can't believe. And I have managed to continue on this road to Bikinidom. I am saddened by so much of what is going on around me, and feeling at such a loss but I did not stuff myself to ease the pain. I continued to remind myself that life's struggles are not better managed on a bloated  stomach and with cankles.
It's not that the bikini is more important than the upheaval taking place in our lives this week`; its just that I have actually developed good habits. Pushing back from the table, only eating when I am truly hungry, and taking half when before I took a whole and then some, are becoming habits. I define a habit as something I have to remind myself  not to do. I'm finding the old habits are just memories now. I can't imagine automatically cleaning my plate. I can't imagine eating an entire 12 ounce steak, a loaded baked potato and a salad with gobs of Thousand Island. Seriously? I did that? Just six months ago I would have nothing of it. In fact, I would have thought I had to eat it all, and then some.
Instead, I think by September,I will buy myself a bikini, or three. And then some.

Out to Lunch, Out to Dinner

I am feeling very successful today! I had lunch in a restaurant alongside my co-workers who were having less healthy fare, and I didn't feel the least bit deprived! It felt so good to eat out and know that I succeeded in not feeling obligated to eat a double cheeseburger and fries. When I arrived home, my husband and I decided to eat out again, and I was triumphant again! I ordered my meal and asked for a to-go container right away. I parceled out half the meal for tomorrow, enjoyed half tonight, and it actually felt good!
Where did I get the idea that a satisfying meal meant gorging until my already huge pants were tight around the waist? What is satisfying about that? Why do we over- eaters eat as though every meal is a celebration? A feast? Our Last Supper? I am the Queen of "Let's Celebrate Every Little Thing With  A Huge Spread"! One appetizer? No Way! Let's have three! It's okay because I am starting my diet tomorrow. Oh, another reason to celebrate! Yaaay! Throw some chili and cheese on those fries . I'm going to be a size 6 in no time, once I get on my diet!
I realized today I truly, really and truly, am done with that mindset. I won't have "slip-ups" or "little set backs" ever again because they are no longer that; they are choices, and it's okay to make them. I have always told my kids "Life is full of choices".  Once again, I didn't listen to my own advice.
If I make sure that every food I choose is something I really want, then there is no need for guilt, or the promise of starting my diet tomorrow.
This feels great!

 

I'm Not Trying

It's very important for me to watch other people while on this journey. By watching people, I mean observe the behavior of people who are struggling as I am, and those who have accomplished what I am going to accomplish. I watch them on TV, in magazines, in public. I watch the Biggest Loser, Too Fat for Fifteen, Dance Your Ass off, Heavy, and all the others where fat people get smaller. I read fitness magazines (love them!) and I think it's especially important to read those magazines right before I eat, or (I know I'm not supposed to be distracted during meals!) while I eat. It truly curbs my appetite and makes me think about my goal to look at the healthy women in Fitness, Shape, Women's Health. The models  are much younger than me but the Success Stories are often about women my age. I am inspired, and often in awe of their drive, their perseverance. I soak in it. When I read the story of a woman who has met with much more adverse challenges than I have to meet, I feel driven to accomplish.
"I'll try" is the first step toward failure. Failure is not in my picture , therefore, I won't try.
I will.
I finally made it to 187. Just one more pound to go.

Weight loss "accessories" I won't do without

   I reviewed some of the products I bought that ended up in a yard sale somewhere: not my yard sale because those are way too much work. I'm sure I gave that ill-fated thigh master to someone somewhere who probably ended up with great looking insurable legs.
   I have, on the other hand, come across some items I really feel I don't want to do without. The top goody on my list is my Mio Heart Rate Watch. I love, love, love this thing! I'm a nurse, and I know how to take my pulse so I don't really need that feature. The thing I like about it, and am hooked on, is it gives me a calories burned read out while I'm exercising, and the % of target heart rate I am working at. I entered my weight, age , resting heart rate, and I'm all set. Love it!

Another really important item I bought was a set of Fit N Fresh containers. Actually, I didn't know I bought them. They came in this cool lunch bag.

My lunch bag is zebra print. This is giraffe print. It's okay, too, but I like mine better. So this is the bag and these are the containers.

These things are great! The small ones are one cup containers and are marked for 1/4, 1/2, etc. They fit in the box with lots of room left, and there's a thin freezie thing, too.  I share a fridge with a co-worker and I really like that with my food packed neatly in the box, it doesn't take up much room, and my stuff is all together. Well, not exactly all my food because I take a lot but that's another post. It also makes it easy for me to grab my lunch in the mornings and not forget the important things in the fridge. After I discovered these in my bag, I bought another set at Bed Bath and Beyond. I feel very much in control of my food when I use these containers.
I just found the website for these so obviously I'm going to shop when I am done here.
  I also love my neoprene weights. I have two pound, three pound, 4 pound and 5 pound. I also have a ten pound kettle bell. I don't think I do what I'm supposed to with it;  it's too big. But I have found if I hold it next to my chest when I am dancing around, I burn more calories than without it.
  I have a Bosu ball like this one. I used it previously and recognize its value. I'm just not there yet this time. I will be. I am going to keep this because I will use it again some day soon. But not tomorrow.

My assortment of water bottles are worthy of a their own post so I won't go there tonight.

Shopping for Weight Loss

Does every thing I do have to involve spending??!? Yes! Okay maybe not, but I have been suckered in, or misguided, or looking for a miracle, on numerous occasions. I have purchased a lot of weight loss toys. Here is my assessment of Tried and Not-So-True (to me anyway) weight loss products. Bear in mind, many of these products rely upon use by the  purchaser in order to work. My list, not in order of failure, is comprised of products and why they did not work for me. Most of the failures, but not all, are directly related to my hopes of quick,easy, effortless weight loss, not realizing quick, easy effortless means temporary or , in most cases, non-existent. Some of the failures are related to feeling my life was in danger when I used them while  with others my self esteem as a human being was at risk. I have a fear of  just looking ridiculous.

  I've looked everywhere for a photo of this first contraption to no avail. The best I can do is describe it. Please understand this is difficult for me because I feel stupid just describing it. I can't recall the name either, possibly selective memory loss. The "device" consisted of a wooden square about 1/2 inch thick, about the size of a bathroom scale. Seated atop the wooden square was a round cork board disc that would spin with movement. The idea was to stand on the round disc and "twist" from side to side; yes, just like Chubby Checker.

 This trinket did not work. I tried it twice. The first time, I fell off; the second time I felt stupid. Again, I feel stupid just thinking about it. It didn't work for me, and apparently it didn't work for Chubby.

Now another item in my list of goods I spent money on was an Ab Lounger. It really does work for some people. Apparently I am not one of those. Luckily for me, I purchased it shortly before I purchased a new house and was able to use it as a household chair until my furniture arrived. It was very comfortable as a recliner. It was ergonomically correct for me. It felt good just to lay around in/on it. It did not feel good to me when I used it. It felt like work. It was after this purchase that I realized a valuable lesson : do not pay others to make you work. That's just plain goofy.

Decisions.....Decisions

Duh.

Really? No. I am the master of my own thighs.

Enough said.

Richard Simmons Deal-a-Meal was another investment that failed me. Rather, I bought it and failed to use it.  Back in the day it was a pretty expensive kit. It came with a cool wallet and everything. I love Richard. Richard has helped a lot of people lose a lot of pounds. Imagine my feelings of failure when Richard could not help me. I couldn't even keep up with this:

I have some fitness equipment I do believe in and use. Again, many products and concepts work but the purchaser has to make more than a monetary investment. It seems through the years I had so many other  investments, too many balls on the tennis court of life, that I couldn't afford to invest in me. Maybe I should give poor Richard a second chance?!?

 Here is a link to one of my favorite websites and their most helpful take on fitness equipment:
                                                               SparkPeople
This website has a lot  to offer those who are looking for support, education, food and fitness trackers, and so much more.

Snacks, Like Men, Gotta Have ‘Em

So I have elected to remove the word “diet” from the title of this self-indulgence also known as my blog; self indulgence which, for once in my life, does not involve inserting enormous calories in my mouth. I removed the “d-word” because I am beginning to think I like eating healthy, that I like the way I’m feeling, and really, really like having control over a Cool Ranch Dorito. I’m afraid if I leave the word “diet” in my ramblings I will begin to hate the way I am eating.

I have participated in diets that did not allow snacking. Mega-fail, but  a learning experience. I eat snacks and enjoy them, at least daily if not three times daily!  I have been paying attention to the snacks I eat. I pay attention to the time of day I eat them in relationship to what I am doing, the time I last ate, and what made me think I was hungry in the first place. I pay attention to how long it is before my first food thought after I have a snack, why I have that food thought and what kind of food thought it is. Is it a food thought related to how good my snack tasted? Is it a food thought because my stomach growled or my hands felt shaky? Is it a food thought because I want to do something? Did I think of eating because I saw someone else eating? I believe all these things determine whether I just think about the food, or jump right on it? I love thinking about food; sometimes I think myself right out of eating it. Maybe it’s laziness on my part; sometimes by the time I finish this lengthy analysis of the state of my hunger, I’m too tired to get up and get something. LOL@ my lazy fat ass! It’s just like right now, while I am typing this; I think I might be hungry, but I’m putting it off until I know for sure. I am doing that by doing more food thinking. I’m convinced by the time I finish this will honestly hungry, but I’m not yet!

I have composed a list of snacks I enjoy. Not everyone will like these snacks but I find they suit me and satisfy the desire I have to snatch a brownie away from a co-worker and devour it all in one bite.

The first in my list are snacks to eat just because you  have to have one; the ones you have to have because everyone else is having something or because you need to feel like you ate something you shouldn’t have:

A bag of Pretzel M and M’s

Strawberries dipped in SF chocolate syrup

Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich

A Peppermint Patty (the big one)

Sweet n Salty bar

A milkshake made with SF chocolate, skim milk and ¾ c FF ice cream (3/4 because a serving is ½ J)

½ a single serving bag of chips

An orange sucked through a peppermint stick (the soft kind that’s all sugar)

I always keep a 100 cal pack of cookies on hand, but only one pack per day, and don’t pack these as one of my “planned” snacks; that takes the fun out. But I only eat these if I  have to because I want what that bitch is having and she weighs 102 pounds

Healthier fair : I eat these to “tide me  over”:

Cereal (not sugary) with skim milk eaten out of a 9 oz plastic cup

½ a sandwich

Fruit, water filled

1/2 banana (total one per day)

Yogurt with less than a tsp of chopped nuts for crunch

Key lime or lemon ice box pie (ok kidding…..flavored FF yogurt with two graham crackers and add SF FF cool whip)

100 cal packs of salties or sweeties

SF FF vanilla pudding with half a banana (left over from earlier snack, remember?) with 4 reduced fat vanilla wafers OMG! Is that banana pudding????

Turkey bites and an oz or so of cheese

Skim milk 1 cup with an apple

Mini moon pie

Cereal bar

Teeny tiny muffins made of angel food cake topped with a tsp pie filling, cool whip or SF FF chocolate pudding (only if I have felt like a butterless Paula Deen over the weekend, gotten a wild hair, and cooked)

Strawberry shortcake: strawberries on a little shortcake thingy (60 cals or so) with SF FF cool whip on top.

This is by no means a complete list of snacks. No food is off limits but just as with men: Size matters. Period. If you have a big snack, then reduce your next meal a little; if it’s a little one, don’t.

A Playful List

    I have never cared much for movement.  Thinking back, I can recall a time when thinking about movement, or watching other people move left me a bit queasy. At the time, I thought it may be due to Jane Fonda/Richard Simmons overload. Now I know it was fear.  I was afraid I might drop dead if I exercised. I was a heavy smoker. I was a nurse and knew that smokers get heart disease. In my twenties I had a lot of anxiety about being a smoker. I developed an irregular heartbeat which I now know was probably due to anxiety over the possibility of developing an irregular heartbeat. I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse in my 20s and was convinced the end was near. I felt it important not to move. I was literally paralyzed for at least two decades by this irrational fear. Later I realized the cardiologist had not lied when he said "it's not going to kill you". Now that I'm in my fifties, it's pretty evident that premature death due to MVP is not my fate. In fact, had my anxiety been under control, I might never have been diagnosed with MVP because I would have been asymptomatic which is  frequently the case with MVP. It was a poor excuse then and it's a non-excuse now.
    I have toyed with exercise over the years.  I have gone through periods of exercising; walking on the treadmill,exercise videos, going to a gym. I have lost a lot of weight and re-gained it when I got bored. I have purchased a lot of exercise equipment not realizing I already owned the most useful equipment-my body! I have found that dancing, alone in my bedroom with my Ipod cranked up high (I know, I know) burns a tremendous amount of calories. Mixing in a few light weights while I dance burns even  more.
   Most people call their exercise music lists "Playlists". I like to call mine a "Playful List". I call it that because "Playlist" sounds very rigid to me. I am moving away from rigid; away from paralysis. I chose the songs on my Playful List for a variety of reasons. Some remind me of a time in my life of which I have fond memories. Others have a good beat. A few  are just fun. And I like Johnny Cougar. I don't play them in any particular order; shuffle is my exercise buddy.They have a variety of rhythms but I somehow manage to keep my heart rate up (Yikes!) throughout by adding in some weights and using my arms. Someone asked if I am doing "Zumba". I'm not. I'm doing "Ellen" with a little Napoleon Dynamite mixed in.  So here it is, my Playful List:
 Katy Perry  "Firework"         
John Mellencamp  "Cherry Bomb" "Small Town" "R.O.C.K. in the USA" "Key West Intermezzo" "Authority Song"  "I Need a Lover"
The Knack  "My Sharona"
Rolling Stones  "Jumpin Jack Flash"  "Honky Tonk Women"
Bruce Springsteen  "Glory Days"  "Dancing in the Dark"
Nelly  "Hot in Here"
Elton John  "Crocodile Rock"
Michael Jackson  "Beat It"
Jimmy Buffet "Brown Eyed Girl" "Margaritaville"
Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
 Janet Jackson "What Have You Done for Me Lately?"

Obviously my Playful List is not for everyone. I'm sure it will change over time. This is what  I need to help me like moving right now. And I am liking it, to the tune of 19 pounds down. Soon to be at my goal of 20 pounds!

First Meal of the Day

I titled this "First Meal of the Day" because the very word "breakfast" frightens some people. It may mean extra work, getting up early, or for some, having to stop smoking and drinking coffee (gee, I think I recall those days!) in order to eat. Personally, I have found that breakfast can make or break my success for the day.
 

 A good Breakfast for me is at the very least 300 calories but 350 is better! Below are some of the foods I like to have on hand to choose from. Protein is a must for me first thing in the morning but sometimes I need a few carbs for a quick start in addition. I usually eat my breakfast after I am at work and in the first meeting of the day. Often others are eating pastries, muffins, or a full breakfast. I try to always have the right choices  available in case I feel myself starting to wish I could eat five donuts. A Cinnabon bar or reduced fat cinnamon roll makes me happy in those situations!

                                                   

Protein sources

6 Old Wisconsin Turkey Bites                                               

Carnation Instant Breakfast  (CIB)SF w/ milk                                

8 oz Smart Balance FF Milk                                                 

1 Babybel Lite cheese                                                              

1 Sargento deli slice cheese reduced fat                                   

1 string cheese                                                                         

Turkey bacon (2)                                                              

Jimmy Dean turkey sausage patty

Peanut butter (around a tablespoon)

Hard boiled egg

Ham 2 or 3 slices

Low fat yogurt

Oatmeal, heart healthy serving

A few chopped walnuts (tablespoon max; ½ is better)

Fiber sources

Thomas Whole Wheat English muffin *

Toasted whole wheat Slimwich *

Special K Waffles *                                        

High Fiber low calorie bread (35 cals per slice, may have 2 slices; other breads 1 slice)

Carb sources but low cals

Cinnabon bar, caramel or regular*

Multigrain cheerios 3/4 cup *

Reduced fat cinnamon roll *

Basically I add three of the above listed items together and may add water filled fruit also, if calories are 300 or less, and even if they are more than 300 and I'm still hungry!

* Starred items are higher in carbs so I always balance with fruit and protein

These fruits are water plentiful, so I allow myself  more than one serving; good for controlled snacking (arrrghh....the "c" word)

Grapes

Tangerine

Kiwi

Orange slices

Canned fruits in water only, no added sugar

Pineapple

Watermelon

Cantaloupe

Berries

Less water filled but still great fruit…. I just limit myself to one serving and eat with a lower calorie meal

Apple

Banana

Sample Combos                                                                Approx calories

CIB/milk +toasted muffin+turkey bites                               350 cals

Babybel cheese+grapes+warm cinnabon bar+milk             325 cals                   

Waffle with SF syrup+ sausage patty+ milk                       300 cals

Toast+ Peanut butter+ apple                                            250 cals

Melted cheese slice on toast or muffin with ham                 280 cals

If I'm faced with a big breakfast, I know  it’s okay to have it, within reason. My best choices, if I decide to eat a little heavier, on a special occasion (Like a Saturday!), are:

Egg white omelet, or with egg beaters, and eat only half, or one egg over easy light on the grease. I like eggs but my personal favorite is oatmeal.

Canadian bacon (pref) or one slice bacon or one sausage link

One slice toast

If I eat a meat and egg  breakfast l go light on lunch, or if I  have it for brunch, I do a very  late lunch and skip supper except for cereal or a sandwich minus bread.  After a really hearty breakfast, I'm not usually hungry soon after anyway.

These are just my suggestions for breakfast. I have had many other healthy meals for breakfast that others don't consider a breakfast at all such as a ham or turkey sandwich. In fact, I may have that tomorrow! It's part of what helps me stick with it; not confining myself to the  traditional three meals a day and always having breakfast for breakfast. It feels good to me to know there are no foods in my fridge off limits at any time of day. If I want smoked salmon for breakfast so be it! 

By the way, I don't actually draw the bikini on the plate but now that I see it done that way, I kinda like it!